As providers, we are often asked personal health questions from family and friends. Most providers welcome this as an opportunity to share their knowledge with people they care about. However, sometimes these interactions become tough, as we need to remember that our role is to provide information, not dictate.

This became critically evident during the pandemic. Most if not all of us fielded questions regarding mask use, or vaccines, or sheltering at home. Of course, each patient case is different, and the family members involved are different.

On a recent trip to visit family, I had an 80-year-old female family member ask me to review her medications. In doing so, I was able to eliminate many unnecessary or redundant medications. This particular family member has a debilitating neurological condition that impacts her gait. When reviewing her medications I was most concerned about contributing medications which would make her less stable on her feet.

The initial review allowed us to further develop a trusting relationship with each other. On another visit, her daughter told me that her mom had been drinking again. She begged me to tell her mom not to drink. I said I will assess the situation and speak with her mom. It was not my responsibility to tell her not to drink, but instead to point out the added risk on her gait and her increased likelihood for falling, and the consequences inherent with a potential hospitalization.

The mom looked at me and said, “I enjoy a cocktail or two, and if I fall and die of consequences as a result then that is my path.”

Her daughter did not appreciate the decision. She continued to try to persuade me to demand of her mother not to drink.

The tough conversation was not with the mother, it was with the daughter.

Showing our role to a family member is not as easy as it may seem. They see us as the expert who should compel their loved one to “follow the rules.”

Don’t be afraid to point out your position and your rules.