New Moms and the Challenges of a Full-Time Career in Long Term Care

by Flora Y. Bessey, Pharm. D., CGP.

Like many of you, I spent a good part of my early twenties finishing my degree(s), establishing my practice, and otherwise building my CV. The concept of motherhood was kind of an abstraction; I figured if I became a mom “someday,” I would figure it out, like billions of women before me. Of course, the vast majority of those women were not full-time clinicians, nor were they a “little older.”

As such, I was slightly ill-prepared for the challenges that presented themselves. To begin with, I felt AWFUL for the first trimester of my pregnancy. I heard from many other mothers that “it’s normal, it will pass,” but that was no consolation!

Later on in the pregnancy, I felt much better…until my OB/GYN said that my amniotic fluid level was “low,” so I had to be put on bed rest the last month of my pregnancy. Oh, no, what have I done?? Did I put my baby at risk by working so hard?

Thankfully, our daughter was born healthy and happy…and then the REAL challenges began. The hospital where she was born offers (in fact, REQUIRES) a “new parent” class, which is mostly very helpful. One part of the curriculum is the vital importance of breastfeeding: for the health and immunity of the child, for the bonds it forges between mom and baby, to help mom lose pregnancy weight, etc. The hospital was very proud of the fact that “99% of moms and babies discharge post-delivery breast feeding!” I was all in! I could be supermom! I’ll nurse in the morning, pump during the day when I can’t nurse, then nurse when I return home at the end of a full day of being a wonderful, compassionate long-term care consultant pharmacist! How hard could it be?

It was, and is, SO hard! I have come to hate the pump. I know my daughter has benefited greatly, and continues to benefit, from my breast milk. BUT the pump is SO uncomfortable, not to mention very inconvenient. I have to pull into a (semi) empty parking lot to pump if I’m on the road, or find a (semi) private room at a nursing home if I am at a facility. I sometimes feel like a dairy cow, as distasteful as that sounds.

Of course, my physical discomfort and loathing of the pump comes with the psychiatric baggage of guilt, i.e. what kind of a mom would complain about this? I must be a terrible person! The breastfeeding enthusiasts (“La Leche League,” our delivery hospital, etc.) subtly reinforce this guilt. Ok, so “99% of moms and babies discharge breast feeding,” but how many are STILL breast feeding 1, 2 or 6 months later? Moms that decide they just can’t do it anymore are looked down upon.

Also, our hyper-connected world leads to a good news/bad news dichotomy. On the one hand, I can accomplish a great deal via email and cell phone, even while I am at home holding my daughter…but then I feel more guilt about not being fully “present” for her.

Finally, in spite of everything, I have to realize that my daughter is healthy, happy and thriving. I am doing the very best I can, and I can’t be perfect. I have begun to give myself permission to not be supermom. She will be fine, and so will I. After all, as one of my friends (with a few kids of her own) has reminded me when I am freaking out about my baby, “they are never as fragile as they look.”

Enjoy the parenthood ride!